Emotional Hostage

- Negotiate your freedom by Ian Wolstenholme


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“Is it ok to be you? Is it ok to be everything you are? Is it ok to be the bits that only you know about, the bits that you keep hidden? I say yes, yes it is”

We have many parts and voices. Each part of our pysche represents a different part. We are not just one person we are a whole cast of characters. Sometimes we listen to one part of ourselves and sometimes to another. This leads to conflict within ourselves and conflict in our relationships. So how do we know which is the real part, the real me? Which part should we listen to?

The truth is that when we become totally identified with one part of us we have become an emotional hostage. That part of our pysche has taken us over and convinced us of something. You can be dieting for two weeks when another part of you takes over that says ‘what the hell, I want to eat cream cakes all day today’. If you then act on that you have been taken hostage. The part that was committed to the diet feels completely frustrated and a failure. It happens to all of us, we are all taken hostage at some time or another. The question is what to do about this? What is the path to freedom?

The solution is that we have to negotiate our freedom. All these different parts of us are meant to be there, there is nothing wrong in it. It is not possible or even preferable to get rid of them forever. The part that wants you to eat cream cakes all day is ok, it needs to have a say. The solution is to start to listen to all these parts, they are trying to tell you something. Each of these parts need to be heard. The seer is the part that sees all of this going on in you, the part that sees you acting in certain ways, the part that sees the cream cake disappearing down your mouth but is powerless to stop it.

The seer has to act as the negotiator. It sees the different parts of you. From the space of the seer you need to ask what the different parts are trying to tell you. Talk to that part of you and ask what do you need? You will probably find that a certain part needs to be loved, needs to cry, needs to be held. So now you have the chance to give that part what it needs. It wasnt really a cream cake that it needed, it needed to be held. It is about taking the time to stop and ask what that part is really trying to tell you. Then the negotiations continue, the part that was screaming for cream cakes is now fulfilled by being held and can agree to continue the diet in alignment with the committed dieter.

The important thing to see is that all these parts, voices are meant to be there, it is not a signal that there is something wrong with you. It is just a matter of employing a negotiator in the form of the seer to assess which parts need what and what value to give each part. From there we can start to be straightforward and communicate honestly with friends about what are true needs are. Asking simply ‘I need to be held right now’ .

You no longer try to repress certain parts of you, which had previously led to them rebelling and taking you hostage. You are willing to negotiate terms and free yourself in the process. It is a way out of the inner conflict we have created.

Emotional Hostage - negotiate your freedom by Ian Wolstenholme

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"This little gem of a book is about how we relate to other people in unconscious ways and what we can do to change this. 'All the different parts of us respond more to the emotional energy of the person we are relating with rather than to the words that are being spoken.. we have the ability to project our emotional energy in a way that can effect other individuals without our needing to speak'. Most of us are on automatic pilot, receiving and responding to each others emotional energy without awareness. Transformation starts to arise when we become awaer of when we have acted unconsciously and what our habitual patterns might be. Once we have identified a particular pattern or script, then we can start to recognise when we are in them. 'There are tow main areas where you can make a difference. One is understanding what is happening within you and the second is that you can be active in the kind of emotional energy that you send out'. The book is transcribed from talks that Ian gave on the subject of enlightenment, relationships and inner freedom. Most books about enlightenment tend to celebrate the experience of illumination as an end in itself. This book is more interested in what comes after such experiences, how they can be integrated and the attempt to live a life of integrity and authenticity. Indeed, living life in conscious relationship to others is a possiblity for all of us. The question and answer format of each chapter draws out many practical examples and the pleasuer of this book is that it does not pretend to give all the answers, but rather offers a direction we can choose to go in to create greater self awareness. This is deep work and a thought provoking book that everyone should read". Mike Jones, The Oracle

"I have read your book Ian and it simply confirmed what I already knew - that you are part of this new wave which engages more directly the whole of human reality, the body and the heart as well as the mind and consciousness. What you say engages a person´s reality with compassion for their suffering and honouring the whole of them and yourself. This allows so much more to happen and addresses far more real concerns than a more abstract truth which however real deep and insightful and full of love and light, cannot reach where that person really needs to be touched. A whole new level of possibility and experience is now here. " Anne Geraghty

'I received your book a few days ago and read it all at once..... thank you! I gained many insights from your eloquent teachings. I too am very drawn to understanding the emotional/energetic dynamics between people - especially the unseen “vibe” that I (and everyone at least unconsciously) seem to absorb like a sponge. I never learned to communicate clearly without slipping into the abyss of the past and that is my main focus now. The pathway between what I experience in my inner world and how I express it outwardly has always been awkward for me. Learning to communicate clearly is precisely where I’m at right now and I’m very grateful for your service in this area. Also your “domains of experiencing” describe exactly my own inner truth. “I” am directly experiencing my “self” having an experience in consciousness/body/thought/emotion all at once and perceiving that they are each different dimensions of Being. My essence is choosing to manifest itself through these domains in this moment with the intention of holding awareness.

The question becomes where is the awareness - it must be everywhere. Nothing can be excluded. To exclude my emotions from my intention to hold awareness (through understanding) would mean your emotions are excluded too, which would give me the justification to not consider them & never attempt understanding and acceptance. There could be no true communication without honoring the needs of the emotions, and there can be no physical well-being without honoring the needs of the body. You have an holistic approach to enlightenment that I am very grateful for. It seems you have much to teach me and I really appreciate your time and energy in this communication. I am following your suggestion of asking the different domains and parts what they need and have had some profound insights. That “exercise” really clicks with me.'

Thank you. Blessings and love, Grace Wilson