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INTIMACY

 
     
 

butfly380

So the most important aspect of self-discovery is to see that ultimately we are all consciousness. There is nothing to be done about that, because consciousness takes care of itself. What we as individuals can do is to free the space inside ourselves which is full of unresolved experience. The clearest way to invite consciousness is to make some room inside ourselves. I like to focus on what we can do for our human beingness, so we can allow more quality time in our lives. For me it's important to focus on senses and feelings because they are a source of really important information. They tell me what is going on in me and what is going on in every situation I am in. They tell me to some extent what's going on in you, as long as I can distinguish between unresolved experiences from the past that are trying to impose themselves on the present situation and what is really going on in my senses right now. The scripts in us get triggered very easily when we have a lot of charge inside ourselves from our past experience. So we need to distinguish between scripted behaviour and being in the present. Some scripts are so close to being in the present they are almost like a clone of the present while some are very easy to distinguish like the biological sexual script of a man.

Q If I see these scripts might they dissolve or change?

Yes, they will become less powerful.

Q Or just watching them without trying to understand them could be another way?

A lot of people advocate just watching but I don't. It is important to use understanding when looking into intimacy and to find a way we can meet without scripts, so we can be in the present together. You know when you are in the present with someone because you sense it. Whatever you are feeling now is telling you whether it's safe to be here and whether it's safe to let down your guard. This is the area of communication that is invisible in one way but is so important in how we make our decisions. I experience your willingness by hearing the words you say but I also use my senses. It is important to me to know that you are hearing what I am saying, I take that responsibility.

The beliefs we have are scripts and this governs how we perceive the world. In theory there is always a choice not to be in a script but in practice it is very difficult to get out of a script that is fully operating in the body. Often you have to wait for it to play itself out. Being unscripted or scripted have different qualities which we can all perceive and recognise. There is a quality in intimacy, which is very recognisable: there's no strife between the two; there is just a meeting, an incredible tenderness, which is not happening enough in most people's lives. It's also ok to have our defenses. We need them because in many situations it's not appropriate to be vulnerable. I don't advocate being open and honest in every situation. There is no ultimate truth and every situation is different. When you are in the present moment you can read the situation you are in and make your choices.

How can you distinguish between scripted behaviour and being in the present? All of you know the difference but you may not understand that you know the difference. When you feel at ease with someone, and are just there with that person, it does have a special quality. If you see yourself in that situation you can see the scripts trying to get in, being led by thoughts like, 'What do I do now?' But the safety in not knowing is the most delicate and rewarding one. We have been taught that we need to know what's going on and what we should do. In reality being here not knowing what is going to happen next is the clue to being in the present, simply hearing the birds or a passing car. Is there anything more tender than being in the present with your friends? It is a bit scary.