The sex drive is clearly identifiable. When we wholly accept our partner, love enters. Our responsibility then is to understand what happens energetically when we make love. My experience has shown that there is a very powerful exchange of energies when you actually unite with another person. When you make love, you deliver an energetic package which contains your emotional and psychological imprint. What's likely to happen is that the other person will be deeply moved by this energetic transfer. You need to make sure that you are available to your partner for some time after you have made love. It is likely that you will have stirred up a part of your emotional self that you haven't previously seen. So the responsibility of the lover is to hold the space for the other. The emotions that are brought to the surface are likely to be quite disturbing, especially if you don't understand what is going on. It is a vulnerable time after making love. I don't think it is possible to make love to somebody and it not to mean something. You may believe that you can make love with somebody and walk away, but often it takes a few days to transform the energetic package that you have received and you need to process it. In making love you take on an energy from the other which has an effect on your system.

Q I was in a relationship for seven years and it brought me to my knees trying to love her. When that relationship collapsed, for a few weeks I experienced everything as love. It felt like 'I am love.' I feel sex is an expression of that love. I am drawn to experience that all the time. But I am resistant to talking about sex. Sometimes I feel it's easier to give up the whole game and make celibacy the answer. It's too complicated, we are too ingrained in our patterns.

Yes, celibacy cuts out many problems but it is not being wholly alive.

Q Energetic exchange happens without making love so even if you are celibate you don't escape from that. You can also feel intimate in silence on a silent retreat; there is the presence of love.

Yes, the exchange of energy is constantly there if you are aware of it, but when you make love there is a packet of energy. You are talking about the exchange of energy that is always there. If you are aware of it, it is often delicious. Once the moment is finished, the energy disappears and you may take nothing with you. When you make love, you get a packet of energy that lives inside you and lasts for two or three days. The effect of these feelings and emotions will depend both on the emotional state of the person delivering and the person receiving the packet.